You just want them because they don’t want you.

anything that draws focused attention to itself can leave observers to overestimate its importance. Now, this is a very important concept for men and for women alike.

I speak with people in the area of relationships, and they talk about getting in the wrong relationship or being played by someone.

also I speak with a lot of women and they ask, why they keep going for emotionally unavailable men. this is the answer to that question.

when someone is not available for you, or doesn’t text, or dosent communicate much it creates a vacuum and when that vacuum is created,it leads you to wonder what’s wrong with you?

What you have to understand is that the human brain has a negative cognitive bias. the brain is always looking for certainty and when someone doesn’t give us that certainty, it drives us nuts.

So that’s where people you know, lose their minds and sort of have those sorts of issues in relationships.

That being said, Too much certainty and things go flat. So this is the case in relationships that the people have been in for 10 years or maybe 10 days. Too much certainty kills the vibe of the relationship. it’s so predictable, that it’s boring.

It’s important to be aware of these things , because a lot of times we’ll give something undue importance, just because of that effect, rather than it actually being something that is, you know, special, right.

the second concept that Robert Cialdini talks about in this book is, nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you’re thinking about it.

So this points to recency bias. for example, let’s use relationships once again. To quote the old locker room joke. they say the way to get over, you know, the one that you’ve lost is to get under someone else.

It’s not Shakespeare but there is some truth there.

I want you to think back to your last relationship. I just saw someone I was in a relationship with for a long time. And you know, she’s found a new boyfriend and they’re very happy and very excited about that.

I think that’s wonderful. But I want you to remember when you got out of your last relationship, that you were shattered or smashed you were broken apart, right? And nothing was ever going to be right again and the Sun was not coming out anymore.

Like that was it the sun is gone. Without my special one. It is over. And it’s just not so. You know, there are many special people who are special for all sorts of different reasons. And that’s great. And you can certainly, you know, settle down with someone and build a family and all of these things.

So that’s all fine. I say this to say that a lot of times we get addicted to specialness, because it’s perpetuated in the media, the specialist of things. Disney, all these things are perpetuated, but also, I think that a lot of times we wouldn’t know what to do without the drama. We were not sure what we would do with ourselves. So there’s almost an addiction to drama and addiction to craving. So it’s a very interesting thing.